Author: Joseph Matthews

The basics can really put you way ahead of other men when it comes to flirting. As I wrote previously, turn taking is of utmost importance. Now let’s look at the content of you are speaking!

There are rules that you’ll need to know. And as it were, most men don’t know them!  Knowing them is important, as you’ll avoid much a lot of pain that goes into failed flirting.

It’s not so much the content of what you are saying, but rather the delivery and it’s tone. For example if you drone on negatively about a certain subject, you are bound to eventually drive someone off.

It’s a simple mistake, and understandable. We live in a culture that celebrates cynicism to an extent, so people tend to embrace it. Overall, a little goes a long way though. Avoid that in your conversations, as you’ll bore her and she’ll get fed up with you.

Other ways to make a conversation boring are as follows:

Preoccupation with yourself. If you talk about yourself constantly, and show no interest in others (particularly her!), you are definitely going to have a short run.

Superficiality – talking only about the banal, telling hackneyed jokes or stories. This reeks of shallowness, just like the stories.

Being tedious – Talking too slowly, pausing too long, and taking too long to make a point. This is common, as people try to appear calm and smooth in their interactions. Remember, there is always a balance.

Too passive – just refusing to take part and leaving the conversation on the other person.

Unenthusiastic – talking in a monotone voice, showing no emotion, making no eye contact. This says a lot, and very little of it is good.

Being too serious or somber – There are times you NEED to be serious, but you need to be able to shake that off and clown around sometimes. If you don’t do it, your conversation might abruptly end.

Too much excitement – Someone who is all over the place during the conversation, or is easily sidetracked, you’ll make the other person go crazy. Reign this sort of behavior in at all costs.

So what IS a good thing to say? Aside from avoiding the above issues, there are a few things you can do. The first is to keep on the topic, and allow for turn taking. The second is to do your part in gauging the conversation, keep a positive attitude, and make it fun! Being fun is a huge part, and you can talk about almost anything!

Another thing to look at – compliments. They can be good, and are usually most welcome. However, you CAN go overboard. If you do, the situation is recoverable though.

If you do pay a compliment, be cautious of the nature of it. You can convey attraction without having to resort to vulgar or intrusive compliments. If you know the person, you can judge it better, but be aware of this issue.

Keeping it simple, and saying something such as “You look gorgeous”, can go a long way. Going further than this can cause offense or embarrassment. While that is not always the case, it’s a gambit that might not work out. Make sure to look her in the eyes while doing this – looking anywhere else could be potentially bad.

As well, while commenting on a woman’s appearance, remember that there is a time and place for everything. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is the timing your compliments poorly, as well as an other flirtatious overture.

Always be aware of the flirtatious overtures you are making. Sometimes it is obvious – you’d want to avoid saying something to someone who just lost a loved one, for example. But there are other times, when it’s not so obvious.

A good rule of thumb is to think about it in neutral terms. In other words, would you compliment a man in the situation? Would it seem appropriate? The same would apply if it was a woman. Keep it within those boundaries, and you’ll do fine.

While compliments are just a small part, they are important, and when used right will propel the attraction, instead of destroying it.

Pay attention to yourself during a conversation. Take notes too, if you can. Look for the rules mentioned above, and make sure to correct yourself after it happens. Eventually you’ll smooth things out.

About the Author:

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Article Source: The Art Of Verbal Flirting, Part 3

Author: Joseph Matthews

I have both good and bad news. The bad news is, women absolutely have men BEAT when it comes to verbal communication. They are just that much better at it!

The good news? When it comes to flirting, verbal communication makes up, at most, less than ten percent of the equation! By that I mean that, altogether, it doesn’t matter so much what you are saying.

Let’s go deeper into this though. You can blow it with words, easily. But you can also REALLY learn to communicate well with them, to the point where you can master it as well as any woman.

The key is to learn to the unwritten rules governing verbal communication. By obeying these rules, you will appear to be more spontaneous, as your conversations will run smoother, but it will take practice.

Think of the situation as trying to learn how to drive a stick shift. You might switch gears poorly at first, as expected. But after awhile, it becomes far more smooth and seems automatic.

If you practice, you will also gain a huge advantage over those that don’t try and learn the rules of communication. Most don’t realize the importance, which is a shame, as they tend to sabotage and frustrate themselves.

The rules are pretty simple, and they govern certain areas. Let’s look at the first area, which happens to be, perhaps, the MOST difficult of all of the areas for men – the opening line.

OPENERS:

I’m sure you’ve been in this situation before: You see a pretty girl, and start walking over to her, then FREEZE when you realize that you have NOTHING to say to her!

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

Well, here’s some good news. What I wrote earlier about the nonverbal part being more important than the verbal part of flirting? It still holds true here.

In fact, the best general opener is, often times, lines that can easily be recognized as openers!

Say if you just were to say “Nice weather we are having, huh?” It’s pretty obvious what you are up to. Now, if the other party is interested, the response should be positive regardless.

This can help take some pressure off you, and give you an idea of how to interpret your success. By trying to be clever, or indirect, you might just wasting time on trying to pull off a great “performed” opener.

How you say the opener is way more important than the content. This is important to know, as many people will use the question AS an actual question! Don’t do this; it sounds odd and it’s less direct than a statement.

The response you get from her will tell you how successful your attempt was. If she’s open about it, it’s a good sign. If she’s closed off, cold, or non-responsive, you might want to look elsewhere.
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